Things suck.

Investors in your startup are scuttling away faster than cockroaches under a flashlight, you’ve mortgaged everything except the dog, and your fed-up spouse is taking half of what’s left and moving to Reno. You’ve laid off most of the staff and, as a result, have to answer the phone yourself – and it’s usually creditors calling. Your soon-to-be-ex-spouse’s sister’s brother-in-law – who makes Cousin Eddie from Christmas Vacation look like William F. Buckley, Jr. – just showed up, sniffing around for a job.

It’s time to rethink your corporate goals, and we’ve got your new mission statement right here. Tell Cousin Eddie to wait in the trailer while you browse Despair, Inc.’s “soul-crushingly depressing Demotivators® designs” for the best laugh you’ll have all day. These guys have been around for a while, but the sentiments ring truer and funnier than ever in this current state of economic affairs. Way to go, team.  (Never mind – I just read the “Teamwork” motto.)